I am noticing a pattern with all the things occupying my time: swimming in the ocean, writing, reading, drumming, dancing, sacred circles, small groups, meeting new people, interacting with strangers, beach bonfires, ancestral stories, volunteering with children, storytelling, vegetarian cooking, meditating, hibernating, cutting ties, Yoruba initiates, sleeping, Junkanoo. They all make my spirit feel alive in a deeply spiritual way.
Having been dead for so many months, I am rediscovering what it feels like for my spirit to be ignited. I never knew the Bahamas had so many mystical people, but I am meeting these spirits around whom I feel so free and alive. I am awakening spiritually to the knowledge that I am a divine being of creation. I am immortal spirit: formless, timeless and unleashed.
The other day someone invited me to a beach bonfire on the opposite side of the island to where I live. It was a birthday party for an empress I recently met on Facebook. I had no idea who was going to be at this party, or what I was getting myself into, but the vibration of the birthday girl resonated positively with me and I wanted to support her. When I put out a call on Facebook for people interested in a silent protest, she responded very creatively, which was the first thing that intrigued me about her. Then I read her blog and discovered her writing was extremely entertaining and inspiring.
I decided to go to her party for two reasons. First, I was afraid to go because I thought I would not know anyone and be uncomfortable. I have a pact with myself to do anything I am afraid of, so I had to stick it to my fear. Second, I thought about the fact that I have very few female friends. Making friends with men is a synch, but it is extremely hard to break into an already established circle of women. The fact that she invited me and did not know me was an olive branch. I wanted to seize the opportunity.
Everything went wrong on the day of the event. The friend I inveigled to accompany me got sick. By the time I found out, it was hard to get a replacement. I tried anyway, but the telephone company decided to trip out as I was making my calls. My father used the car and stayed out late, not realizing I needed to go somewhere. By the time I got the car and was ready, it was long after the 7pm start time for the party. I headed out to my sick friend’s house to drop off get well soon bran muffins. We talked for a long while. I was stalling big time. By the time 11 pm reached I used up all of my excuses: it was too late for me to drive that long way by myself, the setbacks that day were a sign, I found something better to do hanging with my friend.
At some point a shift in me occurred, resolving me to go, even if it were to drive all that way just to turn back. There ended up only being about ten people left at the party, but their energy was so warm and positive I felt present and unconstrained in their company. I left the party at 3am. When someone suggested going swimming in the sea under the stars with the moon playing peek-a-book behind the clouds, my first thought was, shit, I left my swimsuit and I don’t have on a brassier. My second thought was, so what, this is a test. I went in the sea in my black jockey panties topless. I thought about it once, but I did not think twice.