I keep praying that this is a dream, or an elaborate joke. So I decided to write a speech for our wedding instead. You haven’t asked yet, and I haven’t said yes. But I know you do and I do to.
I’ve seen you happy, because we were home alone and you could walk around in your boxers. I’ve seen you sad because you wanted to buy your mummy that washing machine, but didn’t have enough money yet. I’ve seen you mad, because I pushed a little too far this time. I’ve seen you excited, because we were just about to close the deal on a new ticketing contract. I’ve seen you frustrated, because the BMW needed yet another new part. I’ve seen you peaceful, because it was raining outside and cricket was on TVJ. I’ve seen you hopeful, because you discovered a new artist, a hidden talent, and had a successful session in the studio. I’ve seen you defeated because yet another laptop was stolen in a robbery. I’ve seen you embarrassed, because you hate me to kiss you in public. I’ve seen you thankful, because things finally went according to plan. I’ve seen you relieved, because that massage actually released some of the tension. I’ve see you giddy, because you just invented your ‘bushman look’. I’ve seen you engaged, because the politics was a little too sweet. I’ve seen you focused, because the job wasn’t finished yet. I’ve seen you nervous, because I forgot to call when I got home late that night. I’ve seen you courageous, because not even death would take your dignity. I’ve seen you inspired, because you were just baptised and received the Holy Spirit. I’ve seen you peaceful, because you knew God was at your side and all was well. I’ve seen you every which way in good times and bad. And I love you for all that you are.
You take such pride in everything you do and you have such a passion for life. Sometimes I am too blind to see, because you express it differently than me. You express it in how you feel so intensely for everyone you touch and everything you do. Everything is so precious to you. That’s how you treat me. And I sometimes resist, because I think of myself more like a jungle warrior. But you always insist; I am your Queen. I’m to call you when I get in at nights. I’m not to work late at the office by myself. I’m not to eat Burger King three times a day. It’s your way with everyone: friend, family or foe. And I love you until death do us part.
You love your family so much. It’s the fastest thing to throw you into a depression; knowing that someone in your family is distressed or in need of something when you are not in a position to provide. The second fastest thing is thinking that I am disappointed in you. I hope you know that I am so proud of you. I never go to bed one night feeling anything but love for you; even if I am mad. Your light shines so bright that across the waters in the Bahamas you have a congregation of people who consider you family. I know you always thought my family was too intense: all the family gatherings on every occasion and all the hugging. You struggled to feel like you belonged; to believe that a bunch of strangers could love and accept you and not even know you. Thankfully, not all change is bad and today I know you have truly felt the love that surrounds you; from strangers, from your many mothers, from your friends and from me.
I know the last few weeks have been rough on us. We had a few surprises. But even in the midst of your adversity, you inspired me to understand that we are infinite and divine creatures of God’s Will, not our will, and sometimes he has a different plan. And no matter what, if we quiet our hearts, remain steadfast in our faithfulness and seek out the spirit within that is the breath of life, we’ll come to know the peace that passeth all understanding, and we will realize that all is well in God’s perfect plan. Now that we are on the other end of that struggle, and we are facing a new chapter in our lives, filled with uncertainty and possibility, we can march forward together in perfect love and thanksgiving, watching life unfold before us.
While you wait for me at the alter I know God is holding your hand, and I’m so happy he is your keeper. You are in good hands. If I stay a little longer than expected, it’s because I have to tend to some unexpected business of my own. I am comforted knowing that where you are, there is no sadness or expectations, so you will wait in perfect peace. I shall be anxious, I’m sure, and emotional, but I will hold on to your love and hopefully that will bring me peace, until we can hold hands again.
I wish I could write our story differently. Since I can’t, I will pray that God gives me the patience and the strength to be a pure vessel of his divine will, so that I can live like you: in perfect harmony. Thank you for blessing me with so many memories. I will cherish them forever, and they shall give me great joy, as we move forward in this new time and space.