Everything in life seems so pointless. I feel so helpless in the face of God. We delude ourselves when we think we are in control. God decides to turn off the oxygen for people we love all the time, and we have no control. It’s like you share a part of your life with someone, they die off and you move on. It doesn’t make any sense. What’s the point of just waiting around for everyone you love to die.
I was on the beach today thinking about something I heard recently from the teachings of Tao. Everything in nature fulfills its purpose without expectation and without want, except human beings. Mangos ripen on a tree whether or not we wish to eat them. The sun rises every morning whether or not we show our appreciation. The tides rise and fall whether or not we take any notice. Everything in nature has an intuitive understanding of purpose and goes about the business of fulfilling that purpose. It is like things in nature were never disconnected from the source of life. They are all continuations and manifestations of that source.
Humans on the other hand are disconnected. We have this concept of ‘self’ that divorces us from our source. We have lost our intuition. We devise all of these ways to reintegrate ourselves with our source, and fight over which way is the right way. We get all muddled up in our ways and means. I wish I could be like all other things in nature, and just wake up each morning and go about the business of fulfilling my purpose; despite whether it was raining or the sun was shining.
I can’t believe I might have to go through this experience again with my mother or father or brother or some other close family member or friend. People you know, and even those you are close with, die all the time. But when someone you share your life with on a daily basis, or on a deep spiritual level dies, it’s a completely different thing. I think I’d prefer to die than have to go through this again. It just doesn’t make any sense. What’s the point of living to die? I feel like I’ve had a good run so far. I’ve travelled the world. I’ve loved and I’ve lost. I’m grateful for what I’ve received. What more could I ask for or possibly need?