My psychologist wants to know if I’ve thought about going where Steele is. I told him I thought about looking for him. He asked if that was the same thing. I said I don’t know. He asked if I had thought about hurting myself. I said no. Later I remembered I had thought about someone else hurting me, so I would have an excuse to hurt myself. I told him about the ‘soul of the world’ and how I’d like to communicate with it. He must think I’m crazy, suicidal. He was like how am I going to get there: perform like a séance? I said I hadn’t thought it through that far yet.
I committed myself to missing Steele much better than I loved him. Considering how much I loved him I had to really get creative about missing him. So on Saturday I had my séance, the second one. Only thing it was not a séance. It was a bringing forth of consciousness about our ancestors. After contemplation I realised the word dead and the concept of death was too insufficient to contain all the emotion and energy and power and influence of ‘dead’ people. I’m giving dead people a new lease on life. Perhaps insignificant, as I am nobody, but a gesture nonetheless. Much love and respect to my ancestors: those known and unkown; near and far; recent and ancient. When I learn the language of the ancestors, I will learn to know myself better, and I will be able to speak with my Man of Steele.
Ancestral Stories was a celebration of life and love. I am grateful to everyone who braved their uncertainty and turned out. In sharing my stories I was enriched by the stripping away of all pretenses. In sharing in the stories of others I was enriched by the spirits of our ancestors. I think I touched the soul of the world in the process. Great stories. Great food. Great dancing. Great fun.
What’s next? The signs will tell me. I will follow them with faith and love.
‘Rise Up’ – Oscar Brown Jr.
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