The other day I got upset about something. Reflecting on it I realize how I became a “participant in human drama” by letting my ego get the best of me. I am a member of a dance group for Junkanoo. When I joined the group I learned they had some drama in recent history, but after a shakeup everyone was trying to move forward positively. Since everyone seemed recommitted I could care less about their ancient drama; I just came to collect a piece of treasure for my treasure hunt: freedom in the goatskin drum, freedom in the dance.
Unfortunately I let myself get drawn into the drama and had a period of unconsciousness, which took the form of me cussing someone off.
The true test of conscious living is a person’s way of being, not in their theorizing and intellectualizing, or in their declarations and self-proclamations. It is hard to take anyone serious who calls themselves a Christian if their being does not reflect Christ. It is hard to take anyone serious who calls themselves a revolutionary if their being does not reflect non-conformity. We all know talk is cheap, but unfortunately walking the walk is a process. In whatever journey we walk, there are always going to be times of varying consciousness and unconsciousness.
After many nights investing time, money, energy and commitment with my Junkanoo group, my ego developed a sense of entitlement and got attached. I had no idea it was weaseling itself into the drama. It all erupted one night with a breakdown in communication with the management committee. A new choreographer was rude to the group and insulted some if the members, including me. Her comments made my ego feel diminished, unappreciated, and angry. My ego saw her as an egotistical maniac. Guess what it did in response? It turned into an egotistical maniac.
In my desire for inner peace, I was committed to staying out of the drama. The reality is, I could have left the meeting, but my ego felt the need to be heard. The other day I wrote a post called, “Amazed by his Grace,” in which I commented on how good it feels to be in the company of others and not be compelled to have something to say. My ego said, “to hell with your declaration”. With one insult to my ego everything changed; I gave up my power to create my own happiness. I made myself a small victim by letting something small get the better of me. It was one ego squaring off against at another.
So I found it quite interesting to read the other day in Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth, the story of a Zen Master in Japan, who was falsely accused of impregnating a teenage girl. When the Zen Master was confronted his response was: “Is that so?” The parents dumped the child on him, and because of the scandal he lost his reputation. One year later, the girl confessed the real father was a young boy who worked at a butcher shop. Completely embarrassed, the family apologized to the Zen Master and took the child back. His response was: “Is that so?”
The moral of the story: “He allows the form of the moment, good or bad, to be as it is and so does not become a participant in human drama. Events are not personalized. He is nobody’s victim. He is so completely at one with what happens that what happens has no power over him anymore.”
How true are the sayings, what you react to is also in you; what you resist persists? There was a management meeting after the incident to resolve the internal conflicts, and then the group was invited to a general meeting to have their issues addressed. I chose not to attend the meeting. I decided I was not getting drawn into anymore of the “human drama”, and I could not risk my ego getting the better of my again. At the end of the day I am going to work with the programme. The structural forms do not matter. I just came to experience freedom in dance.
So I am recommitting to staying out of the drama by being internally aligned with what happens. My power is being in the present. I will not relinquish it to my ego.