“Once you’ve seen the face of god, you see that same face on everyone you meet.” 365 Tao by Deng Ming-Dao
Tomorrow I make the trod to Jamaica for the first time since I lost my love and lost myself; for the first time since I was reborn, refreshed and renewed.
So much has transpired this year, much of which I shared intimately with friends, family and strangers on this memoir. But there are memories I shared with few or none; secrets known only by the divine powers.
African spiritual teacher Sobonfu Some speaks about the spirit that is created in intimate relationships called “the spirit of intimacy”. This spirit represents the union of two beings; an extension of their own spirits. When Steele transitioned, the spirit uniting the both of us had a powerful pull on me. It lingered for most of the year waiting anxiously for me to renew my commitment to life and reassign it a purpose.
For most of the time I lingered too, residing comfortably in the twilight zone, between the world of the living and the dead. There was a constant tug-o-war between the part of me that was connected to Steele in his new realm and the part of me connected to the world of the living.
By the sheer power of my intuition, the support of my family, the guidance of the ancestors, the sacred feminine energy of Yeye Oshun and the divine will of the mother and father of creation, the spirit of intimacy created by the union of Steele and I has been appeased. I am this moment, a place where darkness no longer encloses, but light radiates from the depths of my soul.
As I transition from this cycle in the evolution of my life to the next I am full of love. There is no beginning or end to my experience, there is just evolution. And I am truly blessed to have experienced immense sadness and suffering on one end of the spectrum and to have manifested light, happiness and healing beyond comprehension on the other end of the spectrum.
As we celebrate the Man of Steele Memorial Weekend we are celebrating a moment in the unending cycle of life; a moment in which an understanding of true love was born inside of me.
What is this love I speak of? This love is an unconditional acceptance of divine will; the power to transform any and all earthly worries into peace, awe and enthusiasm for life. This love is a complete lack of attachment to the physical forms of this earthly existence; the power to be; the power of freedom; the power of abundance. This love is the fading away of all judgment; the unification of all forms; the transcendence of time; the gift of the present.
To be full of this kind of love is not to be free of sadness, pain, hurt or any range of negative emotion or experience, but to see with new eyes, to feel with new senses, to overcome with new strength, and to heal with new power.
So who is the Man of Steele we are honouring, who like a fleeting apparition breezed in and out of our lives, staying too short, leaving too soon? For a time and space he was my boyfriend, but all along he was God revealing himself to me in matter and form. The Man of Steele was a kiss from the creator. He was a spark to ignite my spiritual flame.
As we all know, a first kiss is always the most special; so is a virgin sexual encounter, a first child, or a first engagement. Steele was a first for me: a first for encounter with the Most High with eyes wide open. I had the opportunity to bathe him, feed him, nurse him and love him all the way to the point of his return home, and now I have the opportunity to honour his memory and honour his divine essence.
I am honoured to celebrate Roan Kirk Anthony Steele, the Man of Steele, with friends and family this weekend. I receive love abundantly and give it freely. In fellowship together we can show our love for Steele, our love for ourselves and our love for all things great and small.