Dead bodies are so cold. I would always hug up close to his body to get warm: put my hands under his shirt, on his belly, or around his neck. Live bodies are full of heat. It is such a blessing to be able to share your body energy with someone else’s to bring their temperature to equilibrium. I’m sure there is a song that talks about “the warmth of your embrace”. That’s how it feels to hold someone close.
I want it to be categorically clear, that unlike others, I am not at peace with Steele’s death because he was baptized before he died. The baptism helped Steele to feel his life force inside of him, but he was born with it and carried it all along. He said to me after the baptism: “Noelle, this is for real. I can feel it.” I felt so happy for him. He felt so strong and alive. I wonder what damnation those people would have for him if he wasn’t baptized. Would he all of a sudden become less of a man? Would his soul all of a sudden become less worthy of eternal peace? Would he all of a sudden become a lesser creature of God’s divine creations?
You can quote scriptures from here until thy kingdom come to justify how God showed you ‘the way’, and I would never believe that ‘your way’ is the ‘only way’ to be rewarded with eternal peace. I was proud of him before the baptism and I am proud of him now.
Of his 32 years of life, I was blessed to share the last five years in the most intimate of ways. I am at peace now because I saw God when I looked at him for the last time, and I had the pleasure of whispering it in his ear. I am at peace because I knew the language of his heart; and when balanced on the scale of Ma’at, the universe will see that he was truth personified, order personified, balance personified and justice personified; not just at the end of his life, but throughout the journey. That is what is at the heart of each and every ‘way’ we choose to reintegrate ourselves with our source. That is what is at the heart of the Alpha and the Omega in each and every ‘way’.
Just as a point of information. I am not involved in planning Steele’s funeral. The dead can’t speak. And when we’re gone, it won’t really matter what our wishes are. We’ll have no power. I know what is left in this physical world is just a carcass, and all a carcass does is rot. The warmth of his touch is not in that carcass; the tenderness of his voice is not in that carcass; and the joy radiated from his smile is not in that carcass. Those things are the essence of his spirit and they are all alive and well. I hope I will learn the touch and feel and smell of his spirit in this new manifestation, so I can know when he is near.
Whatever we do to prepare and dispose of the bodies of the dead is only symbolic. I am having a funeral for him right here and now, and everyone reading these words is participating in that ceremony of his spiritual cremation. I am releasing his ashes to the earth, so that when the rain comes, they may bring forth life anew.
Safe Passage and Eternal Peace. Perfect Love and Thanksgiving.
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