I have a friend; he was going through a major transition in his life and decided to give up sex for three years. I thought one-year of celibacy was a challenge, but compared to three-years that is like beginners ballet to break dancing. I know spiritual practices like Trantric and Taoic traditions encourage celibacy, but I have no affiliation with those, and little knowledge of their celibacy practice. My knowledge and practice of celibacy is completely intuitive; it forms a part of my meditation practice.
Meditation is about harmonising my egoic-self with my God-self. The egoic-self is the part of me that has wants, needs, desires, lusts, and passions; it has a form identity, a sense of self; it is selfish, insatiable and completely consumed with the past and the future. The God-self is the part of me that has no want and no need; it is my direct connection to the Creator of the universe; it is all-knowing, all-powerful, omnipresent and self-sustaining. The egoic-self has a finite life cycle. The God-self has an infinite life cycle.
For most of my life I was so completely associated with my egoic-self I had no idea it even existed as an entity separate and apart from my formless and timeless spirit. I have the language to articulate it now, but my awareness did not come from books or teachings; it came by the grace of God; it was a spark passed on from Steele to me to ignite my spirit. My meditation practice was not a part of some spiritual journey either; it was an instinctive response to losing a part of me; it was a strategy to re-member my lost love.
Several months before Steele transitioned I felt a lot of negative energy around me. I shared my thoughts with a girlfriend, who gave me white sage to burn in my bedroom and around my home. She said this would help to dissipate the negative energy. A few months after that I randomly bucked into a yoga instructor, who happened to be a website client of mine, on a flight from Miami. She was returning from a meditation retreat in Mexico. I told her I had been feeling fatigued and overwhelmed by negative energy. She told me I should start to meditate, as that would be the fastest way to bring balance to my spirit. At the time, I believed her, but I did not truly know what she was talking about, so I did not take up the practice.
Meditation is not specifically a ritual, although it involves some ritual. Meditation is life unfolding with conscious awareness. The ritual practices, like breathing and stretching and being still at a particular place for a particular time, are essential practices, particularly for beginners, but meditation is more about being in constant awareness of your God-self every moment of life unfolding.
The stillness I eventually found and the knowledge I gained was a result of my body’s natural process to connect to the spiritual plain for which Steele now inhabited; the formless current of the universe. Once my initial awareness came, signs in many forms and from all directions crossed my path with increased intensity to further my knowledge and awareness. After Steele died, my guru Aunt said to me, his death was my opportunity to live a spirit-driven life; to put my ego in check. At the time I did not fully understand her language, but now I am completely in tune with what she meant.
What the hell does this all have to do with celibacy? Read Part II