Dear Steele: If you were here I wouldn’t need to worry about worrying. I wouldn’t need to worry about who to pick me up from the airport. I wouldn’t need to worry about finding a place to stay. I wouldn’t need to worry about how long I wanted to stay here for. I wouldn’t need to worry about all of the stuff that needs to be taken care of. I wouldn’t need to worry about what I plan on doing here.
I wouldn’t have to worry about who I can count on, or who I can trust. I wouldn’t have to worry about people lying to me. I wouldn’t have to worry about people faking it with me. I wouldn’t have to worry about people worrying about me. I wouldn’t have to worry about things falling apart.
When someone goes missing, it takes seven years to declare them dead. I saw your dead body with my own two eyes, so I guess I should get with the programme. It’s true, dead bodies are cold and stiff. Your lips were so cold, but they still had that perfect symmetry. Your fingers were so stiff, I could barely hold your hand. I listened for your heartbeat, and it was really gone. Your body was still. Was that really you?
I was always afraid that if I stopped moving, stopped achieving, things would fall apart. Various people tried to convince me that I was more than what I did. Now that I’ve stopped doing everyone wants me to start back up again. Too bad I don’t care anymore. I’d rather live on the street than to be a slave.
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Ayo – “These Days”