Thank you to all those supporting the R. Kirk Steele Memorial Scholarship initiative. I am really sad I couldn’t be at the launch, although I probably wouldn’t have been much company. As this is being read, I am miles away in Alaska, which is the only reason I am not there. I wrote this in my prayer book with the launch in mind.
Dear Steele: Every day I am more and more impressed by these St. Georges men. Whenever you were in the company of your brothers or planning something that involved them, your smile would become more pronounced, your eyes would widen, your posture would soften, and you would be completely present in the moment. From talking about those annual street feeding flexes at Christmas, to those random road trips, or unplanned linkups at Jazz and Blues, I know you felt a lot pride in being a Knight.
One of the very first times we went downtown together, you took me to visit The St. Georges College. That was like an initiation ritual for being a serious wife contender. We toured the grounds while you told me historical anecdotes, most of which I can’t even remember now. You took me down by the cricket oval and showed me where you and your friends would climb the trees to watch matches at Sabina Park. You were so proud of that.
It makes me feels really good to know that even in your absence you can rely on the people you had so much faith in to continue your work; to know that you really were an excellent judge of character; and to see how your brothers have maintained their substance even with no one looking or demanding anything of them. I don’t like to get my hopes up about too much nowadays, but I really hope this initiative goes a long way to ensure we never forget the International Man of Mystery and Action, our Man of Steele.
We really believed in education; we built our success off our education. But I think life was often more stressful than it probably needed to be, partly because we struggled with the lie society taught us about education. We all learn we are supposed to study hard so we get good grades; so we can get into university, so we can get a good job, so we can buy some assets, so we can be eligible bachelors, so we can get married and have kids, so we can grow old and retire, so we can at some point in the future live a good life. We are constantly chasing some future happiness, living lives waiting to be happy.
We aren’t really taught that education could be an end in and of itself, or that the purpose of education is to be a part of a brotherhood, or that education is about nourishing our spirits. It is usually always about unlocking something or equipping us for something or strengthening us for something that is going to happen in the future, but what if the future never comes.
The fact of the matter is, as far as I see, there is no past, there is no future. There is no right way or wrong way, there is no should do or shouldn’t do. There is just each individual and a series of present moments of which you can only experience one at a time. There is only now. Everyone is the chief, cook and bottle washer of their entire universe right now. Imagine how powerful we are. If you want to be happy right now you can be. If you want to be miserable right now you can be. If you want to drop out of UWI right now you can. If you want to start your own business right now you can. You can choose whatever you want from life, but the trick is you can only do it one moment at a time. You can’t do it in the past, you can’t do it in the future, you can only do it right this second. And the even greater thing about it is, even though we are responsible for our choices every moment we are alive, when we die, we don’t have to live with them. We’ll be long gone and the only thing that will matter is how present we were the moment God issued the recall on our spirit.
You were so present the day before you transitioned, you blurted out, “I can see,” even though your speech wasn’t discernable for most of the day. My wish is to have a transition as peaceful and glorious as you did.
My wish is that this scholarship not be about a ticket to some future happiness we may never live to cash in. My wish is that the R. Kirk Steele Memorial Scholarship be about the gift of the present moment: each moment it will give those fortunate students to fellowship with their brothers, a tradition you got immense joy from; to practice listening more than they speak, an art you mastered; to experience inner peace, the gift you were blessed with; to nourish their spirits, a routine you practiced instinctively; to enjoy the life of their choosing, a life in which we can all choose happiness now in this moment, success now in this moment and peace of mind the moment we meet our creator.
Thanks again to the organizers and thanks again to the supporters. Perfect love and thanksgiving.