“I am the dream and the hope of the slave.” Maya Angelou
I just discovered this quote, and found it extremely touching, particularly because I have been thinking about children recently. I was thinking about how warped my view of motherhood has been. If you asked me a year ago if I was ready to have children I would have said, ‘Hell No!’ The primary reasons: I have too many things to accomplish first, before I get bogged down with children; and, I have to be financially stable and wealthy first. Motherhood was low on the priority scale of personal ambitions, almost inconceivable without the security of knowing I would have a husband, home and business as stable and successful as that of my parents. But then I got to rethinking.
Imagine if our ancestors held comparable opinions. Suppose they said: ‘I am a slave; my life is a shit hole, and I am waiting until slavery is abolished to bring children into the world.” Suppose they said: “I don’t get paid for my work; how am I going to support a child? Let’s put off having children until we save up enough money.” Suppose they said: “Once I own my own plantation, then I will have accomplished enough to be able to have children.” With that sort of outlook on parenthood and childrearing, our communities would have been much more scant.
In one sense, motherhood for me was like an obligation, or consolation prize to be had, once I succeeded in life and self-actualised. In another sense, motherhood was like a job I felt I had to acquire the perfect combination of skills to even apply for. If I could not guarantee a life at least as decent as the life my parents gave me, I almost felt unfit to be a mother. I was making myself not good enough for motherhood. I was setting myself up for the time to never be right. My parents are successful entrepreneurs now, but I forget that when my brother was born, my mother was a part-time teacher at a government school, and my father a junior engineer. When I was born, my mother had just launched her bakery and my father was still employed to someone else.
In my new light, I am not saying I should be indiscriminate about having children, and just be dropping babies for the sake of it, but I am saying that I better understand my contemporaries who say they are ready to be mothers. I would still love a husband, a prolonged honeymoon, a home, and an income, but most importantly, if the Mother and Father of Creation wills it, when the time comes, all I really need is a warm, loving, nurturing spirit, and all else will be provided. If I bring a child into the world thinking the timing is wrong or I am not good enough, I will transmit all of those self-destructive thoughts to my child.
Our ancestors already showed us the way. Despite the maddening conditions they lived with, they brought children into the world and grew them with love, compassion and faith. Whatever they had was enough to be able to sustain my lineage. I am here today as the dream and the hope of the slave, who decided to assume the sacred responsibility, despite whether they thought perhaps it was bad timing, futile, or impossible to grow a seed at that point in time. Many of our seeds were planted through violent rape, and yet our Queen mothers still assumed their sacred responsibility, knowing they were doing best by their children, and propagating our communities.
Childrearing is a sacred responsibility: parents hold the most precious creative power. What a responsibility. What a gift. I will be honoured to be a mother.